Goesan, Day 24: Things I’ve done today AND Identity part 2

Starting at midnight, I:

  • walked home drunk for the first time ever. Fortunately, I was not as drunk as I could have been, but I did drunk-talk the entire way. Largely about Linguistics.
  • drunk-talked with one of my closest friends here as soon as I got back to campus. I don’t even KNOW what I said to her.
  • got back to my room and thought my roomie was already in bed, and hence stumbled around in the dark trying not to wake her. She came in some time after I’d fallen asleep.
  • woke up blissfully not hungover at 7:30.
  • blew up about 40 balloons for the Camp Fulbright Olympics.
  • ran around in the sun and heat for two hours, trying to control up to 20 screaming Korean kids at a time while they played soccer… five times in a row with only water breaks.
  • got sunburnt, as expected. @D (Though it was worth it for the kids who got really into it — especially one tiny elementary school girl with a love for bugs, who refused to back down in a game against boys literally twice her size! Tough as nails. >^_^<)
  • forgot I’d left the shower head on instead of the faucet and accidentally sprayed ice water all over my left side… for the second time since coming here.
  • hung out with my writer friend, Andrea, and had a “writers’ afternoon.”
  • took a much needed nap.
  • wound up talking gossip with my friend Kristal over dinner.
  • and just got back from watching the movie UP, several parts of which made me cry and several others of which made me think of a certain someone. I predict lots of introspection over the next few days.

Well, the list started out entertaining enough.

At some point during the writers’ afternoon, I mentioned to Andrea something that I realized for myself not too long ago: the fact that I’ve been given the rare opportunity to start anew and choose who I want to be.

Back in the states, I went by my real name more often than not; even friends who called me May only did so in certain circumstances, like in KakaoTalk. So when I mentioned, in a rather offhand way, that I liked to be called that on the Fulbright forum, I had no idea that I would actually arrive in Korea to find my nice, official name tag stamped with “May Myers.”

It took longer than it should have, but I eventually realized that this was a real life Call to Adventure, Joseph Campbell style. I wrote here that it felt like my true self had been smothered by the pressure of trying not earn a negative reputation (not in those words, though). Since then, I’ve gradually become more outgoing, more confident, and more satisfied with my experiences here. All the while, there was a single question in my head, wanting to be answered:

Who do I want to be?

At this point, the answer could be anything. Sweet or bitchy; brave or cowardly; innocent or wise; lazy or motivated; a victim, or a strong, independent woman. All of these aspects exist within me right now, just as they exist, to varying degrees, in everyone. My identity lies in the ones that I will choose to foster. The ones I deign important enough to actively strive for, rather than giving in to their opposites. In some cases, though, opposite does not mean bad; just that I want to be one more than the other. And sometimes the middle road is alright, too.

So my next step is to actively consider these aspects, their pros and cons, and how to work toward becoming my ideal self.


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Barb the French Bean
    Jul 30, 2012 @ 14:28:58

    You stumbled home drunk. Yep. That’s proof that you’re changing/re-inventing yourself, all right!


  2. deannesher
    Apr 04, 2013 @ 19:05:32

    “Blissfully not hung over” implies you have experienced Thee hangover before. Or you wouldn’t know. Also you hid this from me for 8 months— Mary, at your tenth hangover, never drink a sip of alcohol again– the genes of two grandfathers , three great-grandfathers, five uncles, an aunt, a parent– all want you to trade your wonderful life in for a miserable one. Don’t.


  3. deannesher
    Apr 04, 2013 @ 19:11:16

    No no no you don’t plan who to be–first of all, “they” say just be her and you
    ll be her—second is the smart idea to just live in the moment. Also your baby and little grill name was “May”-“, at least with your baby sister. (Ma-ee) .Love it that you like it!


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